Goodbye My Lover
by James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Jepang...Jepang...Jepang

Tadi pagi jam 4 subuh, gw terbangun gara2 ketokan pintu. Begitu buka pintu, ada sekitar 6 orang polisi Jepang, dan 4 temen gw. Gimana ngga shock coba. Ternyata di asrama ada penyusup manjat tembok asrama, penghuni 109 ngliat, langsung nelpon polisi. Berhubung kamar gw 309, makanya dicek, siapa tau penyusupnya kenalan gw (ih...ngeri banget). Abis itu, ga bisa tidur, soalnya polisinya dari lapangan basket nyenterin jendela kamar gw terus. Bener-bener bikin parno.

Cerita laennya, di depan sekolah gw itu ada otera (kuil untuk orang meninggal), hari itu hari sabtu/minggu, pas gw lagi keluar. Di depan sekolah berpapasan sama orang tua laki dan wanita. Mereka berdua bukan orang normal. Tapi mereka berpakaian rapi jas dan yang wanita setelan hitam. Gw bener2 kaget, sekaligus salut, sulit buat mereka untuk berjalan seperti orang biasa, datangnya berpasangan. Keduanya sama2 susah untuk berjalan, tapi keliatan banget kalau mereka tetep berusaha dateng ke acara itu, dan ngga malu.

Di Indonesia gw belum pernah melihat hal kayak gini, kalaupun ada, pasti ada pendampingnya (orang yang normal).

Di stasiun Shinjuku gw juga pernah ketemu orang yang duduk di kursi roda, yang dari penampilannya juga tidak seperti orang normal pada umumnya. Tapi dia berusaha dateng sendiri ke salah satu stasiun yang paling ramai di Tokyo (ngga tau kalau ada yang nganter), cuma dia ngedatengin petugas, setelah itu ada petugas lain yang menjemput dia (ngga tau mau kemana).

Point cerita ini, di negara ini yang namanya orang berjuang itu keliatan banget. Dan orang-orang di sekitarnya juga menghargai yang namanya orang mau berusaha. Yang ngga normal aja berusaha keras untuk tetap berjuang, sebaliknya ada orang yang terlahirnya normal, tapi malah menipu orang berlagak jadi orang sakit lah, pincang lah...Ngga banget. Apakah itu juga bisa dijadiin dalih untuk bertahan hidup? Menurut gw itu salah besar.

Tapi di sisi laen, di Jepang banyak banget Orang Aneh. Jangan heran kalo liat sering liat orang ngomong sendiri di sini. Tidur berdiri d kereta, sampai seperti orang tua yang gw temuin di perpustakaan minggu ini. Ceritanya waktu itu gw baru sampe d perpustakaan, petugas perpusnya lagi panik. Gw liat, si om pegawai perpus lagi ngebangunin orang tua yang ketiduran d perpustakaan. Bukan tidur biasa, soalnya semua pengunjung yang tadinya lagi duduk deket orang tua itu, pada menyingkir. Tau kenapa? Si orang tua yang ketiduran ini ngompol. Gw yakin itu ngompol, bukan air tumpah. Soalnya setelah orang tua itu diusir, lantainya sampe disikat sama cleaning servicenya. Geliii.....

Another new beginning

Starting a new journey without someone, after been together for so long.

Don`t know whether can survive or pass this way or not.

Gonna miss all those memories, or also gonna regret this way?

Hope there will be no regret, there just learning and experience.

Really-really lonely...feel lonely...

Realizing that sometimes I am same with those girls, feeling lonely without someone special.

How hard I try to say that `I am not those girls, who just waiting, talking about love, beauty`, suddenly I realize that I also have become those girls.

Thanks for those wonderful moments.

Note from me

Since the first time I choose to came to Japan, I promised myself that I will take all the responsibilities for evrythin I`ve choose. Now 3 months have been gone, I think, I haven`t do my best. Yeah it`s true, sometimes I am too lazy to do anything. Everythin for me seems no ending. I don`t know my goal, I don`t know for what i do all this....everyday i think, i just talk so many rubbish, think positive, but didn`t do anything. I hate that, I hate my self at this time.

Gimana bisa menjanjikan sesuatu ke orang lain, kalau buat gw aja, gw sendiri ngga tau. Gw uda bikin banyak orang kecewa mungkin saat ini. Semuanya gw cuma bisa ngomong, tapi ga melakukan...bahkan mengungkapkan sayang selain lewat kata2 aja gw ga bisa. Dan herannya gw ga bisa menangis, cuma bengong, dan menjalani hari2 seperti biasa. Something error in my system inside. Tinggal tunggu meledak aja.

But don`t worry, I will be okay, seberat apapun masalah gw sekarang, gw yakin masih banyak orang di luar sana yang lebih menderita daripada gw. Jadi suka ga suka, mau ga mau, gw tetap bersyukur dengan keadaan sekarang. Gw yakin pasti ada makna dari semua ini, pasti ada pelajaran buat Jennyfer yang bandel, pemalas dan aneh (mungkin hanya sedikit orang yang bisa memahami gw, secara gw sendiri kadang ga bisa memahami diri sendiri). Good nite.

Another news from me

When was the last time I go to Education Fair? Maybe at third year of high school. Yeeaahh, now almost same with the time I was very confusing to choose a university and the major. Sabtu kemaren kita pergi ke pameran universitas untuk master program. Gw paling ga suka masa-masa pendaftaran, masa-masa mencari universitas. Di situ bener-bener capek, soalnya gw harus bangun pagi, cuma makan cup noodles, tempatnya dari asrama sekitar 1 jam lebih. Sampe di sana untungnya semalem sebelumnya uda nyari info universitas mana yang bakal gw datengin. Beberapa universitas mensyaratkan kalau mau ambil MBA harus ada pengalaman kerja minimal 2 tahun. (jangan berhenti dulu jo kalo mau ambil MBA). Maunya universitas negeri soalnya murah, tapi susah. Swasta mahal. Repooooottt....belum lagi sistem di sini kalau mau masuk S2, kita harus udah bikin penelitian, nyari dosen pembimbing sendiri,dan berunding sama tuh dosen. Kalau ga ketemu cari sampai ketemu. Dan itu sebaiknya semuanya dalam bahasa Jepang. Belum lagi kalau kirim email ke dosennya harus pakai bahasa Jepang super halus. Bahasa Jepang dasar aja belum beres, sekarang udah belajar bahasa Jepang super halus. halaahh...

Maybe these moments(year) will be the hardest time for me to adapt, to learn, to survive in/about Japan. I am trying now, I am sure there will be always good things come in behind it. Emmm...Gambatte ne...

June 16th 2007

The day before yesterday, in the middle of rain, i have to go to 100yen shop, looking for something that i have to buy. I don`t know, for me its so easy to spend a lot of money in this shop, you will easily want to buy so many things in this shop.Eventhough you know, that you dont really need it. When looking around, i found block soap. LUX. From Indonesia, for sale in Indonesia only, but it was selled in Japan. 100yen for 2 block soap. About 8000rupiah. Takaaaiii...
Then when going home, i entered a shop, they also selled make up. Something make me interested, they sell new brand eye liner, made in Japan, but the name of the branded made me surprised. `Cantik Manis` ...Gilaa...sampe heran gw!!! Untung bukan Bocah Ayu!
Today i met my sister and all her friends. They arranged party for celebrate my sister`s friend`s birthday. There was a man, he are Teacher from Sipil Unpar...huhuhuhuhu...KAget lagi...
The things that i want to say is, almost all my sister`s friends have got merit. And suddenly i also want to get married..hihihiihihi....
Maybe just effects that i am very lonely now. huhuhuhu....gut niteee...

Foto 2 Juni, di Ghibli Museum

Entah sudah nae berapa kilo...getting fatter and chubby? dont u think so?^_^

Eh...ada yang lewat..cakepp...mata gw kemana yee...makhluk pajangan di belakang itu TOTORO namanya.This is my class, with 2 teacher, full member minus 2 women. how beautiful i am.

This Week

Everyday not getting easier. This language is getting mujukashii..totemo mujukashi…(difficult). My friend told me that if you learn English, when you get the advanced level, she thinks it getting easier, the problem maybe just with the vocabulary. But in Japanese, the grammar become more difficult. Yeaahhh…I agree,and actually I think it`s normal, the more you learn, it become more difficult. But you know, Japanese language is a language that use heart. So many grammars maybe I think it have same meaning if it was translated in Indonesia language, but it`s different in Japanese language. To say `I want to do something` there are some steps in Japanese.Semakin tinggi, semakin menunjukkan niatan keinginan kita untuk sesuatu itu. (duh…gimana ngomongnya yaaa).Ngomongnya pake ati, jawab soalnya pake otak ma ati. Susah euy…otak lamban, hati dingin…Lack of care, love, and hug…huhuhuhuuhu…
Welll..well....well, maybe tomorrow is getting better, I have short homestay with Japanese family. See you…